The following speech was delivered by Ms. Subhasree Mandagondi on the ocassion of the 68th Eloquence session on "Can Women Have It All".
Can women have it all?
“No. I don’t think women can have it all. I just don’t think so. We pretend we have it all. We pretend we can have it all” – Indra Nooyi
“No one can have it all”- Sheryl Sandberg
"Wise up, revise the math, and instead invest 75 percent of your time finding a partner, having children, and 25 percent on your profession. The pay-off is much more rewarding in the long term," -Patton , Executive Coach
“You know of the girl who has it all – perfect job, relationship, body? No. You don’t. Because she does not exist. Stop trying to be good at everything.” – College student.
All of them are so right and yet so constraining at so many levels, that makes each one of us want to go back. Go back and check the premises and reasons that were used to arrive at these conclusions.
Today, I do not so much wish to hang on to the clichéd ideas that most of us rely on when discussing the topic.
I do not want to tell you that it is possible if you are committed
It is possible if you marry the right person
It is possible if you sequence it right
Not because these are not true. But because these are only half-true. Because these are subjective and because these are only half the truths that we need to consider.
Let’s face it, stated explicitly or not, mostly it is believe that having it all depends on the levels of commitment a women has towards her career. But is her commitment the only issue? I would still agree that a lot of women need to be encouraged to be more ambitious in life, but for people like us who have worked hard to establish a definite career path and showed as much as, or even more commitment as compared to our male counter parts, why would commitment towards work become such a sudden and critical issue, say in next 5 10 years? I would probably think that the obstacle on the path are overpowering her ambition to reach the destiny. I would say her journey to the end is slightly thornier and requires much more effort to be put in. It is truly said, that men have to be good if they have to be among the top, but women have to be extremely good if they have to make it to the top.
Now, can this difference be erased by a woman working, planning and fitting herself into every possible role that she is attached to? May be yes. But maybe that will make reduce the pace of growth considerably. I believe, that it is our collective responsibility to tweak few norms to let women contribute to the firm and to themselves in a much better way. Please do not mistake me. I am not asking you to give women more reservations, or less work and more promotions! No. For example, one of the ideas could be to reduce the huge importance given to face time in offices. Give them flexibility to work from home. This would address the problem of so many mothers who have to make a binary choice between work and kids, given the long working hours that most corporate jobs require.
But having said this, having said that women can have it all if we all strive towards it, I would like to take a step back and ask all of you to think about the boundaries of the word “All” which we have been using so freely when saying “Can women have it all?” What does “having it all” mean? Are we talking about attaining those top notch positions in the corporate world? Or are we talking about a balanced life both professionally and personally? For me, having it all would mean, aspiring high and relentlessly taking steps towards our goals, having a perfect family life and above all, having an absolute satisfaction about ones’ life. What good are the professional laurels if you cannot relish them? And what good is being there every minute for your family if you don’t feel the joy in it. In attempting to having it all, never forget that if we don't have love, joy, peace, tranquillity and an ability to be truly present in our lives then, we don't have it all anyway. We really don't have anything.
And beyond all, I think at one point we should stop poking, quizzing and measuring every step and every success of a woman by “whether she has it all” or not. We should all work for makes us happy, not yielding too much to the externalities, and then, we will have it all. Men or Women, we will have it all, if we believe in what we do, if we enjoy and if we what we do.
Can women have it all?
“No. I don’t think women can have it all. I just don’t think so. We pretend we have it all. We pretend we can have it all” – Indra Nooyi
“No one can have it all”- Sheryl Sandberg
"Wise up, revise the math, and instead invest 75 percent of your time finding a partner, having children, and 25 percent on your profession. The pay-off is much more rewarding in the long term," -Patton , Executive Coach
“You know of the girl who has it all – perfect job, relationship, body? No. You don’t. Because she does not exist. Stop trying to be good at everything.” – College student.
All of them are so right and yet so constraining at so many levels, that makes each one of us want to go back. Go back and check the premises and reasons that were used to arrive at these conclusions.
Today, I do not so much wish to hang on to the clichéd ideas that most of us rely on when discussing the topic.
I do not want to tell you that it is possible if you are committed
It is possible if you marry the right person
It is possible if you sequence it right
Not because these are not true. But because these are only half-true. Because these are subjective and because these are only half the truths that we need to consider.
Let’s face it, stated explicitly or not, mostly it is believe that having it all depends on the levels of commitment a women has towards her career. But is her commitment the only issue? I would still agree that a lot of women need to be encouraged to be more ambitious in life, but for people like us who have worked hard to establish a definite career path and showed as much as, or even more commitment as compared to our male counter parts, why would commitment towards work become such a sudden and critical issue, say in next 5 10 years? I would probably think that the obstacle on the path are overpowering her ambition to reach the destiny. I would say her journey to the end is slightly thornier and requires much more effort to be put in. It is truly said, that men have to be good if they have to be among the top, but women have to be extremely good if they have to make it to the top.
Now, can this difference be erased by a woman working, planning and fitting herself into every possible role that she is attached to? May be yes. But maybe that will make reduce the pace of growth considerably. I believe, that it is our collective responsibility to tweak few norms to let women contribute to the firm and to themselves in a much better way. Please do not mistake me. I am not asking you to give women more reservations, or less work and more promotions! No. For example, one of the ideas could be to reduce the huge importance given to face time in offices. Give them flexibility to work from home. This would address the problem of so many mothers who have to make a binary choice between work and kids, given the long working hours that most corporate jobs require.
But having said this, having said that women can have it all if we all strive towards it, I would like to take a step back and ask all of you to think about the boundaries of the word “All” which we have been using so freely when saying “Can women have it all?” What does “having it all” mean? Are we talking about attaining those top notch positions in the corporate world? Or are we talking about a balanced life both professionally and personally? For me, having it all would mean, aspiring high and relentlessly taking steps towards our goals, having a perfect family life and above all, having an absolute satisfaction about ones’ life. What good are the professional laurels if you cannot relish them? And what good is being there every minute for your family if you don’t feel the joy in it. In attempting to having it all, never forget that if we don't have love, joy, peace, tranquillity and an ability to be truly present in our lives then, we don't have it all anyway. We really don't have anything.
And beyond all, I think at one point we should stop poking, quizzing and measuring every step and every success of a woman by “whether she has it all” or not. We should all work for makes us happy, not yielding too much to the externalities, and then, we will have it all. Men or Women, we will have it all, if we believe in what we do, if we enjoy and if we what we do.